An Obedient Dog or a Happy Dog?

“How do I make my dog listen to me?” “Is your dog well-behaved?” The internet is full of advice on how to make dogs obedient. Most basic dog training courses focus on obedience.

But are these the right questions to ask? Maybe we should be asking: Is my dog happy? And how can I make them even happier?

Dogs today are family members, not servants. We spend time with them, build emotional bonds, let them on the couch, and consider their needs.

We wouldn’t want a friend who’s obedient above all else. Even in family relationships, obedience isn’t exactly the main goal. Sure, with puppies – just like with small children – obedience can help keep them safe. But with adult dogs? Obedience still rules.

This way of thinking shows a lack of maturity in our relationships with dogs. It also shows a lack of trust and respect for their autonomy. Many dogs aren’t allowed to make any decisions at all – because in the name of safety, they’re expected to simply obey.

The problem is, if a dog never learns to make good choices, then yes – we have to control them, because they don’t know how to choose wisely.

Of course, the city is a chaotic and dangerous environment. We can’t fully trust dogs to navigate it on their own. There are also things that make dogs happy that we don’t want them to do – like stealing food from the table, eating trash in the park, running far away, chasing ducks. These are inevitable sources of conflict. But relying only on obedience is extreme in the other direction.

Dogs are living beings with their own needs and desires. Positive emotions are a key part of their wellbeing.

Maybe it’s time to rethink what “training” really means. When we focus on obedience, we often ignore what dogs actually need – like freedom to explore. Walks turn into rigid heelwork or a constant tug-of-war on the leash. And in the name of obedience, people still use aversive tools like electric collars, prong collars, leash jerks. These cause pain, stress, and fear – which means a higher risk of aggression, emotional instability, and weaker relationships with humans.

The truth is, many behavior problems are caused by unmet needs. If we frame everything around obedience, we miss the point. When dogs lack chances to explore, sniff, chew, socialize, process emotions, and relax – they develop emotional issues that obedience training won’t fix.

The good news? If people could ask their dog just one question, it would probably be: “Are you happy?” And then: “What can I do to make your life happier?”

When we meet dogs’ physical and emotional needs, they’re more balanced, happier, and more willing to cooperate. A happy dog doesn’t have to obey – they want to connect.

So maybe it’s time we thought less about obedience, and more about our dogs’ happiness.

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Todd, Z. (2020) Wag: The Science of Making Your Dog Happy. Foreword by Dr. Marty Becker. Greystone Books.

Ziv, G. (2017) The effects of using aversive training methods in dogs – a review. Journal of Veterinary Behaviour, 19:50-60.

Dogs Trust (20th Feb 2020) “Do you love me” among top 5 questions we most want to ask our dogs.